Shaky Egg

I know I’m supposed to be about women’s issues. But really I’m about gender roles, relationships, family, and how socioeconomics impact those. Here’s an article by Eduardo Porter and Michelle O’Donnell in today’s Washington Post that says there’s a growing trend in which men do not marry. [A free signup may be required.]

One interviewee says he’s not losing his savings and his home to divorce.  Huh… I’ve thought a lot about that very same issue. Except I’m already married.
The article asserts that women want to ‘marry up,’ that women’s growing economic independence makes them less willing to marry a man who might not be as stable as they are, and that the tax burdens on married couples at the working class income level make marriage a liability rather than an easing of financial burdens.

While I am sure I could have a field day with some of this, I think the sense underlying the text is true– socioeconomic and societal factors make marriage not necessarily that great a deal. I’m not an advocate for marriage, in any sense. Unless it’s for allowing gay people the same rights heterosexual people already have. But that’s another story.

A desire for true friendship and partnership, for example– is this a more liberated viewpoint on marriage, or an expectation that is way too high?

At the same time, I think we need family, or community. It is so hard to negotiate and keep a long term relationship with someone we’re not ’stuck’ with (I’ve finally been with  my husband longer than any of my monogamous boyfriends, although I’ve had many friendships last longer than my marriage has), but I have often thought about families of choice–neighbors, platonic roommates, girlfriends, church (although church is a minefield of its own, but if you’re lucky…).

I’ve also often thought, and this will be fodder for my family issues lobbying business, that anyone, regardless of their sexual relationship, which is absolutely nobody’s business, who chooses to live together and pool resources should be extended a tax credit and other incentives. These people could be two single moms, two best friends, gay partners, siblings, coworkers, I don’t care. Living together– at least when harmonious and roughly an equal partnership– enables both parties to save on bills, reduce consumption, and find the social support that has been shown to improve health and general wellbeing.  It’s good for our health, our environment, our financial stability, our natural resources, the burden on our health care system, and our nation.

Oh wait. Reducing consumption? That’s not good business. Forget I mentioned it. Anyhoo. See what you think.